And God told adam: "I've got good news and bad news. I have given you the most powerful brain of all the creatures on Earth. It will allow you to have dominion over all the animals. You will use it to create civilizations, kingdoms; it's vast creative and analytical powers will even take mankind to the stars."
"Also, in order to ensure the procreation of the species, I have made a most amazing organ of reproduction. It will give you and your mate incredible pleasure."
Adam, properly impressed, asked, "So, what's the bad news?"
God spoke and said, "Well, we had a little problem with the blood supply. There's only enough to run one at a time!"
An old man walks into the University Offices and says "I'd like to enrol
for a Latin course". The Dean looks at him and asks rather coyly, "How
old are you, Sir?"
"Ninetythree" is the reply.
"Then why do you want to learn Latin, at your time in life?"
"Well" the man explains "I realise I haven't got long for this world, but if I go to Heaven I'd like to be able to speak to God and the Angels in their own language, and I'd feel more comfortable if I knew some Latin".
The Dean thinks, and then asks "But what if you don't go to Heaven but
go to - you know - the other place?"
"Thats alright, I can already speak German".
God's holiday
"I'm bored" said God.
"Take a holiday" said the Archangel Gabriel.
"Where?" muttered the deity.
"Mercury?"
"Too hot."
"Pluto?"
"Too cold."
"Earth?"
"Earth? Earth?? You're kidding! I went there two thousand years ago,
got some woman pregnant and they're *still* talking about it!"